Iracebeth of Blogging
by Monster-in-a-human-mask
Summary: What happens when the Red Queen comes across the Internet and a Laptop? When she discovers the world of Blogging what will happen? Will she be popular? Who knows?
1. Chapter 1

Blog Title: Help Me I Have Been Exiled!

Blogger: RedQueen460

Date: 8/11/11

Followers: 0

Hits: 0

Prepare to hear a story from the Red Queen, the true ruler of Underland! Now if you continue reading this you must come find me come and save me! Or it will be off with your head!

Today I found this interesting thing it was flat and seemed to have a lid and several small holes and buttons. For hours I tried to open it but I could not. When I finally did I came across all of these stories about problems other people have. I decided to make one because MY problems are way BIGGER than any of yours.

Now to get you all of the right information to find me I must start at the beginning. I was born Iracebeth of Crims. I have a younger sister Matana who wanted to be Queen even though it was my right as the ELDEST! So we lived as two separate countries until Frabjous Day where her champion slew my pet Jabberwocky! How dare her champion!

Then as "punishment" for my "crimes" she sent me into exile with my lover Stayne. Who actually hated me so I had to kill him before he killed me. So his bones hang from his side of the cuffs. But that is off topic back to ME.

Now that you know my story I will give you specific instructions on getting here. Go to the giant checkerboard and to the east side. Go to the queens spot then go east 130,659 steps. Then turn north and walk until you see a big boulder with a three arrows pointing in different directions. Go the way that the arrow is not pointing. Keep going straight for a few days then you will get to a cottage inside is NOT me. So keep walking until you get to a shack and you will find me and all of my big headed glory. Then you WILL take me back to civilization and you shall be rewarded by my loving people who will rejoice in seeing me.

Off with you head,

The Queen of Hearts

A/N

So what do you think? Just so you know I think of Underland as a cave because in some part you are closer to the Aboveland that others that is how she go the computer and the internet.

If you want to ask The queen a question just leave it in a review, If you follow this story you will become her follower on the blog, etc.

Love,

Aaron Elizabeth Newton


	2. Chapter 2

Blog Title: I say off with your head!

Blogger: RedQueen460

Date: 8/18/11

Followers: 33

Hits: 57

It has been one week since my last blog and no one has came to save me. Why? Are you stupid? Why would you directly disobey and order from your queen? You all deserve to lose your head.

Anyways I think I might be Medusa. I was searching for berries when this giant buck came out of the trees and looked at me. When he looked at me he stiffened and fell dead. I ate well that night. Another weird thing about this buck was that it had a metal ball lodged in its stomach. I wonder what it was. Oh well, who cares?

Now I will be answering the questions sent in to me.

**Red Queen, Do you think that maybe if you are nicer, that you would not be in exile?signed,Your Believer!**Be nicer? Why should I be nicer? I am the queen and everybody loves me! It's the law! I was exiled because my sister was selfish and wanted MY kingdom for herself!

**Dear Bloody BigHead:If I were to come rescue you, I would like..Um.. me with candy, and I'll THINK about coming to rescue ,Alex Awesome((PS: Has anyone ever told you that you have a big head? Just wondering...))**

What is this nonsense you are talking about? I do not have candy! But I do have arsenic cookies If you want some! And no I do not have a big head! I just have a wondrously large head!

**Dear Red Queen,I've understand you sutitaion but before I come to get you with my waffle army and a gun that shoots bananas you must answer this question...Do you listend to Justin Bieber or Rebbecca Black?**

I had no idea who or what you where talking about but I found this magical device that answers any question! Its called Google! It is amazing! But as far as I can tell Justin Bieber is a teenage girl who can't sing and had a sex change to mess with people's head. As for Rebbecca Black she is a D average student at most I lost several IQ points by listening to her song "Friday". We quess what its Thursday!

**A question for the 'red queen': Where are you? Underland? And you must have done something wrong to be banished. Spill the beans. What did you do? And ,girl, you are crazy! But... I'll follow this blog!**

**Yes I am in the outlands of Underland. I did nothing wrong! The only wrong I did was not killing my sister's champion when I had the chance! My sister is the one in the wrong because I am the true queen of Underland!**

**Off with your head,**

**The Queen of Hearts**


	3. Chapter 3

Blog Title: Courage Juice to the Rescue

Blogger: Red Queen 460

Date: 4/9/2012

Followers: 78

Hits: 103

Off with you heads,

I have been gone a long time, but I am not going to apologize for my inactivity, because I am the Queen and I don't apologize to anyone! Well since that is off the table I am going to explain why, not that I owe you an explanation.

The day after my last post I was searching for some food. Well I found this large bottle of some liquid that looked like water so I drank from it because I was terribly thirsty, but the liquid didn't taste like water and it burned. But it made everything feel alright, like nothing could hurt me. So I decided to call it courage juice.

I continued to drink this until about a fourth of the large bottle was gone and the my brain started to feel like Gelatin and it took forever for even one thought to make it to the surface and to bubble on my lips. I didn't feel so good and I was so sleepy so unbelievably sleepy. I walked and walked and then suddenly I fell into a huge hole, I know now that it was a cave mouth, and I landed next to something warm so I slept and slept.

I think there was something about this cave because I kept wanting to sleep and sleep and when I woke up it was spring and all the courage juice was gone. I have no idea where to but the whole bottle and all the juice disappeared.

I didn't think about it long because when I looked around I saw what the warm thing was…. A huge bear, so I ran all the way to my house and here I am.

Now that's on to the questions from my servants *cough* I meant followers:

**Dear Bloody Big Head,**

**Why should I come save you? You're the bloody big head for Pete sake! But if I did save you I want Heath bars! All the Heath bars! I prefer your sister over you anyways…**

**Signed Penguin Lover :P**

What in the world are Heath bars? Do you stick some man named Heath into a bar? That doesn't sound very nice. And what do you do with these Heath bars? Eat them? Wash your self with them? Beat it with a club? What? Either way none of those ideas sound very nice for poor Heath you should be ashamed of yourself for you abuse of poor Heath. And there IS NO REASON to LIKE my THRONE STEALING SISTER OVER ME!

**You're a freak! But Red Queen, I do agree with your opinion of Justin Bieber! But tell me this and I MIGHT come and get you, possible: Do you like Johny Depp? Cos hes a cutie:**

I looked up this Johnny Depp person, and yes its spelled JOHNNY, anyways my first though was he is very hot, like smoking, like I'm burning up looking at him; but then I though wait doesn't he kinda look like the Crazy Hatter guy and the more I looked the more I agreed that he looks to much like the hatter for my tastes. But I have to say that man is sexy when he's dressed as a pirate, Argh.

**Question for redqueen460**

**what type of hat do you like? Top hat or fedora?**

**Sincerely yours:**

**madhattersdaughterorpotc**

**Ps: DOWN WITH THE BLOODY BIG HEAD! oops. srry!**

**I personally think a top hat reminds me too much of that Mad Hatter and I didn't like him very much so I have to say a fedora is better, any way it makes my lovely head look bigger! Isn't that wonderful?**


End file.
